like my mask?

theappleppielifestyle:

Unfortunately, sir, the device that is keeping you alive is also killing you.

A long time ago, before I even met you, 
someone replaced my chest with a broken record. 
For years, it’s been stammering through 
the same old tune.

I want you to know I’m trying. 

—Clementine von Radics

theappleppielifestyle:

hiddlestonss:

Okay, I admit it. I’m a piping hot mess. I can’t sleep and when I do I have nightmares. Things happen that you can’t explain, and then they’re over? Gods, aliens, other dimensions? I’m just a man in a can.

If you read this, I’m doing just fine.
I’m still a sheep in wolf’s clothing.
I’m still struggling with all the old questions.

— ‘The Beer I Had For Breakfast,’ Clementine von Radics

andwebegin:

ralkana:

alykat-kartoons:

You turned your back on tomorrow cause you forgot yesterday.
—Maroon 5, Payphone

Oh bbs! Don’t fight! You’re meant to be together!

So does this imply they were fighting when all this shit went down, or is it meant to be Clint’s thoughts after? Either way, *sob*

If i may add in my input (cause i couldn’t resist): when i was making these, it was all from clint’s perspective after phil’s death in ‘the avengers’ movie.

the way i envisioned it, when someone close to you make their way to heaven, the full impact of their absence will not hit you until this one particular day. the date itself might not mean much to you. it might be on a day when you are doing something that doesn’t signify much (like washing the dishes or hearing a song that reminds you of a moment). what happens then? well, it’s when ‘all the pain and feels’ of losing that someone sucker-punches you in the gut. it will suck and you will feel like it’s the end. like how can you go on after bearing this much pain?

for how can you even imagine a life without them? how can anything ever make sense without their presence? like, you can’t picture yourself continuing life without them in your life. and sure, people will try to make you feel better with soothing words, you might even be able to get up once again without wanting to curl in your bed and watching the rest of the day passes you by but it will never be the same. cause you realize all those stupid fairytales/stories that say ‘time will heal all wounds’ are bull. because you are still feeling as raw as ever, five, eight years down the road.

and when you look around you, see people carrying on with their own lives, you think of how unfair life is for forcing you to live without them. that if there is ever a reason for you to need a happy ending, it would be to rewind time so that you’ll be sitting across from them. to be given another chance to say things that you didn’t manage to say. that a norse god shouldn’t be so cruel as to crush and steal away the brightest light in your life. after all, isn’t he a god? you helped him, didn’t you? tried your best to fulfill his wishes no matter how hard/impossible it was (to penetrate a floating fortress was no easy feat). he was in your head. he should have known how much that one departed soul meant to you. that there shouldn’t be any collateral damage in the first place because you made sure, dammit. it was supposed to be an easy in and out.

but no, all that’s left are the maybes and what-ifs. and that, that’s the most horrendous pain of all. to know it could have gone the other way, that things might turn out different than what is now. that you could have still been with that one magnificent person. to be whole instead of in pieces.

( yeah, that’s what i was thinking, esp when i’m choosing these particular words in the song. of course, initially, i was choosing between maroon 5 ‘payphone’ & taylor swift ‘red’ but i like the band’s words better. cause if you take the meaning of the song away and just use these words, it’s pretty powerful )

andwebegin:

how we’re going to make it work when it hurts,
when you pick yourself up you get kicked to the dirt,
trying to make it work, but, man, these times are hard.
  -the script in for the first time-

WATCH IN HD

watchin Iron Man on FX cause final papers are haaardddd.

But interesting. Cause I get to try and make a case for how I’d redesign the sex ed system in the USA.  But not as interesting as the “Is it RDJ or Tony Stark?” game. :D

Can we talk about the fact that the extended scenes include Tony trying to fire a gun back, showing that obviously he knows how to use one (or all) since he probably made/improved/has worked with weapons since the age of ohhhh let’s go with 6, 2 years after building his first circuit board and 2 before his first hand-built engine. And that he is not enough of an idiot to go into a warzone without a vest? (a bullet-proof vest, that is probably not enough to stand up to but should stop some things trying to kill him). And yeah, maybe Pepper forced him to take it and Tony probably was forced into it by a very hungover Rhodey, but it shows he at least knows that some things are important.

And maybe he hates the fact that he has become his father by building weapons that are better, or maybe he hates that he is so damned good at making things that kill people, or maim people, or make people orphans or parents or siblings of the dead, because once someone close to you dies for a very long while you feel defined by that. Maybe he is drowning himself in wine and booze and sex and the bowels of his building in Malibu where everything is open and light except for his workshop, where he feels home and he can dim the lights and the smile and the charm and schmoozing which he probably hates because politics is part of the reason he makes weapons and everyone smiles with shark teeth that want blood and boy you better make other people bleed if you don’t want to be left with your carotid severed or a knife to the kidney on the polished dance floor. Maybe he goes surfing to feel like he can control something, cause physics and angles and force and vectors and fast cars pushing the limits of human control make him comfortable in the danger and push himself against the ocean, which we literally know only about 7% of, which is so powerful and will exist long after we are gone.

Can we also talk about Yinsen wearing a freakin suit? WITH A POCKET SQUARE.

And how it’s cold in that cave? And how they burst in to take him while he was sleeping to show him his weapons, his machines that he’s made because he’s good at it or because daddy said Starks are made of iron and iron is good for building and for building weapons and not much else.  It is his legacy, and they are murderers and so is he because he is great, but he is not good and he knows it down to his bones, his hollow bones full of ice and fire and the desert sand and rancid brackish water.

Can we talk about the fact that Tony has breakthroughs while drunk (IM3) or hungover (IM3) or dying and under stress and terrifying conditions (IM 1,2,3, Avengers) or in grief (Dummy/JARVIS, Avengers) and that he knows somehow that Loki is influencing his mind during Avengers. That Tony is aware of his mind, but hates it while he loves it because it makes him what he is and he hates himself. And he hates that he destroys, so he buries the knowledge that could probably create more than repulsor-powered bombs (and how clever is that, turning what drove him into the cave into his manner of fighting those who trapped him). That he grows to trust Yinsen in less than those 3 months he spent dying/living/recreating himself in that cave while he never seems to trust anyone: everyone leaves, and Yinsen affirms that when he intends to die, when he lets Tony believe they’ll live and escape together. How different would Tony be if Yinsen had lived? If he didn’t blame himself for more death, more death that he personally sees, the blood that stains his hands and runs boiling red and he can’t fix because he’s only good at machines and he’s so bad at people and he knows and why do you think he doesn’t want the company: dear old dad, and old blood and new blood, and people. 

Always the people with their smiles and their desires, and the latter are easy to figure out, but the former could mean anything, so he probably spent hoursdaysweeksyears learning what different smiles meant so he could imitate and improve.  Always the trying, because mom tried to smile like she meant it, and Obie smiles and he doesn’t know what it means, and Pepper sighs and he can decode it some of the time but usually defaults to interpreting it as the age-old Tony-what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this-torment. Dad never tried. (Daddy was never there, or when he was he beat him bloody with words and glass shards and only smiled at the alcohol or when Tony built something, and rewarded him with the only thing that made happiness erase some of the shadows from his face).

(Source: ecritio, via sparrowwingsandfragilethings)

theappleppielifestyle:

allforshipshipforall:

“A bond that will complete them both in ways they cannot yet realize.”

(To the Steve of my Tony.)

I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.

This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.

And I will not be afraid
of your scars.

I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.

-Clementine von Radics, Mouthful of Forevers

(via ironfries)

#tony stark gave himself to the abyss because his body was the only weapon he had left to fight with     #and that’s what gave him nightmares; he was not enough; the suit was not enough     #he was faced with overwhelming force and had to fall back on mutually assured destruction     #there was something out there the suit could not overcome; and tony was the suit so that meant     #it was something tony could not overcome     #and so he flung himself into the void; sacrificed himself because it was the only way     #tony stark stared into the abyss knowing that he could not overcome it; so he gave himself to it     #no wonder he could not come back from that     #not when he’s spent his life driven by the need to encompass and implode every threat     #not when being iron man; the entire point of being iron man; was to be the greatest physical power     #to be the thing that protects and saves above all threats     #to find something that overwhelms him by force to the point of utter desperation and self-sacrifice     #the abyss ate him alive     #he looked into it and could not encompass it; could not respond to it; could only explode it with himself at the heart     #he would be happy to destroy himself for iron man but to have to destroy iron man?     #that negates everything     #tony stark is breaking my heart blog 

(Source: marinersubmariner, via okayophelia)

verstehen1:

So far from where I started / And so far from where I want to be / The towers I watched when I was young / Are not as tall as I once believed

Delta Rae - Is There Anyone Out There

(via queenklu)

theappleppielifestyle:

There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won’t remember and that she can’t even let herself think about because that’s when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it’s always raining a slow and endless drizzle.

You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will sign, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken. Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop.

You will never see her again. Whenever it rains you will think of her.

-Neil Gaiman

(Source: thisisuses)